Not sure where I orginally found this poem... but I LOVE IT! Yup thats how I feel right now!
Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, not one thing would fit me...not even a blouse. My body was sagging, but I didn’t care, I just hoped that at work, no one would stare.
The cookies I’d nibbled all nestled in frosting. All the holiday parties were fun but exhausting. H’orderves by the dozen, yummy eggnog I'd taste, to my absolute horror had gone straight to my waist!
When I got on the scale, there arose such a clatter; I sprang right off it, to see what was the matter. Away to my computer I flew like a flash! I’ll Google and pay for a crash diet with cash!
I rapidly reflected on meals I'd prepared, the gravies, the sauces, and beef (not too rare). The wine & the rum balls, the bread & the cheese! It would’ve been RUDE saying "No thank you please."
“Yes why not, I’ll take it!” “Yes give me another!” “More gravy, more yams, more nuts and more butter!” Go ahead pour it on, I’ve not hit a wall! Now dash it with sprinkles and cover it all!
So upstairs to dress, in my Husband's old shirt, and to the bed to do battle, with the zipper on my skirt. More a yell then a whisper, words formed in my head, while visions of me soon passing out on my bed.
I should dress all in fur from my head to my foot... But if it gets sunny, that idea is caput!
I could layer myself and cover my back... So when I bend over no one sees all the fat.
As I lay paralyzed with my hand on my belly, I realized it felt like a bowl full of jelly.
Thank goodness for Spanks! (I’m their biggest fan!) But I can’t spend all winter disguised as a man!"
When what to my wondering eyes should appear... but a chubby reflection standing there in my mirror! With a large muffin-top that’s been making me sick; I knew in a moment, a solution was needed QUICK!
I’m round, I’m plump and I feel like an elf,
And I’m no longer laughing in spite of myself!
So AWAY with the last of the cream cheese dip! Get rid of the chocolates and crackers and chips! Every last crumb in the house must be banished-Till every last pound I have gained has vanished!