John Ryan

Dear Brandon and Holly

When I got your message my first thought was Dear Lord, how could this have happened? Childhood cancer is supposed to be rare, how could this happen to someone we know, someone who supported us while Liam was sick.

When I thought about what to say, my mind kept saying " I have no idea what you are going through." Unfortunately we both know that is not the truth. The thoughts and grief I felt with Liam's diagnosis came back. Again how could this happen? I am reminded of my first thoughts after Liam's diagnosis- I never thought this would happen. It made me so angry when people would tell me "no one ever sees this coming". Knowing I was not alone did not help with the pain and grief I was feeling.

To say "Thank God it's only stage one" does nothing more than undermine what you are going through.

As a parent, you feel helpless in this situation- I cannot fix what is "wrong" with my child.
As a mother you feel guilty- I carried this child for 9 months, I breastfed this child. Everything in this child came from me.

It is not your fault and you are not helpless. With Liam's diagnosis I began writing here. It was my new job, my purpose, to keep Liam in everyone's thoughts and prayers; this is how I was going to help Liam through his treatment ( besides the obvious love and comfort he was shown).
I am beyond grateful that Liam has no idea what he has been through in his life.  I, on the other hand, will always feel defined by his journey.

This is why I write here today- please everyone keep John Ryan in your thoughts and prayers as he begins his fight.  Today JR begins his first chemo treatment.  This is a long road for the Harris family; JR will undergo 42 weeks of chemo and radiation.