Liam's Hearing

Liam has now had hearing aids for almost a year. Although I am not certain on the length of time he has been able to wear them, as it seems we are continuous sending them in for repairs.

Speech was never an issue, strangers could understand him before the hearing aids. But I have seen an improvement in his speech since receiving the aids. Looking at his audiogram, Liam cannot hear anything above the markings without amplification.

 The blue line being normal hear, the red line represents Liam's hearing

---------------------------------------------------

 

He is missing about 9sounds, we chose to get him hearing aids because as a teacher I know the sounds he is missing will be the hardest for him when he starts reading.
We are now facing a new challenge with Liam's hearing . Insurance. We have just learned that insurance will no longer cover his hearing aids. So every time they break and the audiologist has to look at them I can expect a large bill. Not to mention he is growing and constantly needs new ear molds, also not covered.

I am really left debating if the benefit is worth the price. Which really isn't going to be a question in the end, but I may have to sell Liam to pay for his medical bills.

How Do You Tell Your Child He Has Cancer

A question I get asked a lot is if Liam knows what he went through.

It was his little body that went through the treatment and fought with such strength, but it's Brian and I that livesd the nightmare. Liam's scar is so faint he doesn't even know it's there.

Recently Brian asked when I thought we should have that conversation with Liam, when will he be vale to understand? As the cliche says; we weren't given an instruction manual for this.

With an appointment happening last week I started sharing some things with Liam. Currently he has an abdominal ultrasound every 4 months, we had been telling him we were going to get pictures taken of his belly but never said why before. Last week I decided to ask him if he knew why he has to get pictures taken of his belly. If course he didn't. Since he had recently had a stomach bug he has a recent experience with being sick. I explained to Liam when he was Aubrey's age he had something growing in his belly and it was making him really sick. He doctors had to take it out and why he has a scar on his belly. We want to make sure nothing starts growing again so we take pictures of his belly to keep him healthy.

I know he can understand more than that, but cancer is such an abstract concept.  What we tell Liam will continue to change each time until he fully understands.  We just want him to know about his history before cancer is associated negatively in his mind. 

Liam, You are a survivor.  You are my hero!

2013: A Year End Review

Its been real 2013 but its time for you to go!  My word for 2013 was purpose.  I set out to find some purpose in my life.  I am still working on that.  I love my family, I am getting my health and body back after having a baby.  I still have more purpose to work on in the New Year.

We started January off with the big announcement we were adding to our family.  I wasn't exactly enjoying pregnancy at this point (did I enjoy it at all this time?) definitely wasn't fun feeling hungover when I couldn't even taste the delicious beverages!  It had been a journey for us to get to this point, we were beyond excited.

But what goes up must come down and January had the worst ending when we had to say goodbye to my dad.  He may have been my step-dad who I tried to get rid of at everyturn when he first came into the picture, but the man kinda grew on you.  He was so great to our family and we miss him everyday.  It gives me so much joy to hear Liam talk about him, but I know those memories will fad for him and Aubrey will never know him.

 

February was spent daydreaming about our new baby.  Will Liam have a brother or a sister?  How can we decorate the nursery?  We took Liam to the doctor with us when we had the ultrasound.  I was a bit nervous, he really wanted a sister, how would he handle the news if he learns Baby Fudge is a boy?  Luckily we didn't need to find out, Liam was ecstatic to be getting a baby sister!

We also had a fun snow day. It doesn't happen often around these parts, but it was an experience for Liam.

 

I love March.  Liam's birthday, warmer weather.

 

This year we planned Liam's birthday party at the park.  We had a pirate party... unfortunately it snowed.  We still went but it was cold and Liam was not interested in playing.  But I think his friends had fun... like I said snow is unusual here, I can't believe it happened twice in one year, so its an experience.

 

Of course the next week it was 79 degrees outside.

 

Baby Fudge got a name.  I continued to grow, as did she.  

We celebrated Easter.

And Liam got his hearing aides.  Oy! Those things are EXPENSIVE!  Not just for the devices but his ears grow so quickly we are continuously in getting new ear molds made.  And the darn devices have "broke" several times, luckily it hasn't been our fault so we haven't paid to have them fixed.

I was apparently really busy growing a baby in April, because I didn't write much.  Sorry!

 

May was spent at doctors appointments and celebrating Liam being 2 years cancer free!  His doctor called this year one of the biggest milestones for him, 2 years cancer free!  Its amazing how much he has been through in his short life.

 

We continued to celebrate Liam being cancer free with Cancer Survivor Day.  Just look at how much he has grown! 

 

Brian was also celebrated for Father's Day.  I cannot put into words what a great father he really is.  Liam has so much fun with him.  They are constantly wrestling and running circles in the house.  Each morning when Liam wakes up he is disappointed to hear Daddy went to work.

Liam started swim lessons this month.  It was a rough start, but he has came SO FAR!

And I got some sewing done.  I LOVE making these carseat covers, they are so convenient, I never take Aubrey's off her seat.



Difficult from the day she was conceived, Aubrey made her appearance 3 weeks early and light on the pounds. 

But as we were busy celebrating, our dear friends were receiving life changing news.  Keep fighting John Ryan!

 





 

As we adjusted to life as a family of 4 I found myself very reflecting and emotional.  Crying over Liam's hair. but in my defense it is unruly!  and it was so adorable before we cut it!  I have been refusing to cut it again in an effort for the length to weigh it down... Lets just say Brian hasn't enjoyed this idea.

 

I also started "running" in August.  I did not start off with anything impressive to me and had to keep telling myself 'you just had a baby', but it was time for me to get out of the house and work on ME.  This was not easy to do with 2 children, still isn't!

I spent September spreading Awareness.  Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. 

Liam

John Ryan

Drew

Nolan

 

And I had some fun sewing for the upcoming holidays.

 



 In October we did a lot of traveling (a lot for having a 3 month old).  First we went to MI, Brian and I went to a football game and the kids got in a lot of family time!  Then we were off to Atlanta for Brian's sister's engagement party.

 

The best season of all made its appearance in November.  And Liam got to spend plenty of time outside with his father.  They just love doing lawn work together :)



 Then the end of the year finally arrived.  We spent so much time getting ready for the holidays.

  Liam learned the true meaning of Christmas in preschool.  It was so cute listening to him tell the story of Mary and Joseph.  Unfortunately a stomach bug also passed through our house.  And ended with an eventful trip to Michigan for ICEmas.

c a
The icestorm caused a lot of problems for people, leaving some without power for 7 days!  Luckily we were only without power at woman's house for about 2.5 days.
 

Good Night, Sleep Tight

So I was just saying last week how I was looking forward to hopefully getting some sleep in the future.  Aubrey had slept so well while we were in Michigan, until 4 am each morning.  But once we got back home she started waking up at midnight and then every hour after that again.
Liam was almost 2 years old before he slept through the night, I was ready to believe I would just have terrible sleepers.

Well, Brian has been asking me for a while now when we are going to move Aubrey into her own room.  I keep telling him, when she starts sleeping longer.  Friday I decided to start putting her down for naps in her bed.  Go ahead and slap my hands, but I did put her on her belly for the naps, I thought it might help her to sleep longer and I could watch her during this time.

 

 

This may or may not have been a well thought out plan considering we were leaving for the weekend and she wouldn't be sleeping in her crib anyway.

 

So the 4 hour drive to Atlanta for the weekend was stressful to say the least.  Aubrey screamed most of the way there.  We would stop to feed her and she would calm down, but once we started driving again she would start screaming.  By the time we got there she would not let me put her down, she slept on me the entire night.  I was scared for the babysitter Saturday night, luckily she did better the next night.

 

Okay now onto the meat of our story.  When we got home last night, Brian asked again, when can we start putting Aubrey in her room to sleep.  Little did he know I had already decided to put her in her room for the first part of the night, then when she woke up probably around 1am, I would just bring her back into our room since after the first stretch she usually wakes everyhour.

 

BUT LAST NIGHT.... OH LAST NIGHT

 

That girl was still asleep when I woke up a 3am.  YAY!  My boobs hurt, but I didn't want to pump and have her wake up 30 minutes later, so  I went back to sleep.  When I woke up at 4:30am, that girl was still sleeping.  At this point my boobs were rock hard, seriously I could have put on my stripper heals and went to work.  I had to relieve myself.  And then I went back to sleep.  UNTIL Aubrey woke me up at 6AM!

 

And after all this sleep, it was ROUGH getting up this morning.

 

Just to be realistic, I do not expect her to sleep like this every night from now on, but if she can do it at least 1 more time this week I might feel we are heading in the right direction.



Are you worried?

More often than I can say I have been asked if I am worried Aubrey would get sick. Is it possible for her to have cancer too? Although Liam did not have to gene for his cancer, I guess I was worried, but the worry started before Aubrey.

When Liam was going through treatment I didn't think we'd have another child, I just couldn't go through that again. I also didn't want to replace the experiences Brian and I missed with Liam.

Then when we decided to have another child, it was taking us a while to get pregnant. My doctor had wanted to see me back in December to discuss options, but we found out about the pregnancy in November, Thanksgiving Day. Even though it never made it to that point, I had already decided in my mind we were not going to have any medical intervention to get pregnant. In my heart I felt if I wasn't able to conceive another child it was God's way of protecting me- it just wasn't meant to be. Thankfully we were pleased with Aubrey.

I always knew if we were to have another child I would take a year maternity leave. It was very difficult to go back to work after Liam was born, even more difficult after staying home with him through treatment. As cliche as it sounds; I have seen how precious life really is. I knew I wanted to stay home with Aubrey during this early time and cherish every moment.

I don't think I will ever be the calm parent when it comes to my children's health.

 

I know the pictures are scary.  They are a reality of a time in my life that has changed everything.

What's Scarier Than Cancer?

Yes, there is no doubt receiving Liam's cancer diagnosis was the worst day of my life, but I was never scared for his life. I never entertained the possibility the cancer could take his life, even to the point I may never forgive the person who brought a "what to do when you lose a child" pamphlet.

So what could have possibly happened that would scare me more than cancer?

Earlier this week Aubrey had an episode. She was choking on her spit up. She had just woken up from a nap, I took her into her room to change her diaper when she started spitting up. I rolled her on her side so it'd come out but she still started choking on it. As I sat her up and began patting her back, her body was so stiff and she wasn't breathing. In my head I was thing "oh my God, call 911, no you can't call 911 you can't put her down, get her to breath, what if I can't get her to start breathing...." I could keep going on with my thoughts, but you get the idea. I can't really say how long this went on for because it obviously seemed like a lot longer to me, but after moving her into every possible position I could think of to help push the spit up out she did start coughing and breathing.

This was the scariest moment of my life. I really wasn't sure if I was going to get her breathing.

Everything checks out fine, the doctor thinks it was an isolated incident because she was on her back when it happened, but if it happens again (or ever to a child under 3 months) she needs to go right to the ER to be checked out, even if she appears to be normal afterward.

So although she has started sleeping better at night, I'm not sure when I will. I am not waking up frequently to make sure she is still breathing.

I think my new motto is "If she is screaming, she is breathing"

 

Your turn. What has been your scariest moment in parenting?

First Day of Preschool

Liam had his first day of preschool yesterday.

At first I struggled with if we were going to put him in preschool or not.  I was going to be home so there is no need to pay someone to watch him.  As nice as it'll be to get to know Aubrey without a  3 year old climbing on me, I didn't want him out of the house. 

Ultimately we decided he needed the structure.  He needed the socialization.  So I called around, spoke with a few programs and found one that'll fit.  Liam is going 3 morning a week.  He even made a new friend today, he kept talking about Gabriella.

I leave you with our interview we did tonight.  This kid is going places...

I will never

Things I said I would never do as a parent

Well lets just start this list off right.  I was never going to have children.  Was this ever truly in my heart? I doubt it, but being selfish was.  I loved coming home and napping. I loved not worrying about anyone else after a long day at work.  And lets face it, teaching 20+ children each day tests your patience, and I couldn't imagine having any patience left for my own child.

I will never co-sleep with my child.  I do not apologize for this at all.  The first time I co-slept with my child was Liam's first night in the hospital.  He was sick. He was scared. He was hurt.  The nurse came in every hour to check his blood pressure and temperature, waking him if he was ever asleep.  He just wanted to be held and I would have done anything to comfort him, I needed to be comforted too.

We are co-sleeping a little earlier this time.  Last night I was just so happy when Aubrey feel asleep I was not about to try moving her!

yup watching TV on the iPad

 



I will never let my child watch too much television
I already commented on this earlier this summer.  The most important part of this desire was not to allow the television to babysit my child, not necessarily never to allow television.  Well I can say today that Liam watches entirely too much television.  I hate it, I really do!  I just can't play with him and feed Aubrey at the same time.  And right now I am feeding Aubrey 22 hours out of the day.

I am sure if I asked my mom she would give me a list of 30 more things I said I would never do.  I don't care.  My children are safe and healthy.