When Liam was going through treatment I didn't think we'd have another child, I just couldn't go through that again. I also didn't want to replace the experiences Brian and I missed with Liam.
Then when we decided to have another child, it was taking us a while to get pregnant. My doctor had wanted to see me back in December to discuss options, but we found out about the pregnancy in November, Thanksgiving Day. Even though it never made it to that point, I had already decided in my mind we were not going to have any medical intervention to get pregnant. In my heart I felt if I wasn't able to conceive another child it was God's way of protecting me- it just wasn't meant to be. Thankfully we were pleased with Aubrey.
I always knew if we were to have another child I would take a year maternity leave. It was very difficult to go back to work after Liam was born, even more difficult after staying home with him through treatment. As cliche as it sounds; I have seen how precious life really is. I knew I wanted to stay home with Aubrey during this early time and cherish every moment.
I don't think I will ever be the calm parent when it comes to my children's health.
I know the pictures are scary. They are a reality of a time in my life that has changed everything.