Terrified of my Children

I have a friend; amazing mom, fabulous children. She has made the comment a few times that she is terrified of her children. I always found that hilarious because like I said her children are fabulous, no lie- I love them! And she is an amazing mom!

But the other night I really understood what she meant. I woke up around the time I would have to wake Aubrey up to eat. And all I could do was lay there, full of anxiety.

She has not been the easiest to feed. In the hospital, when she wouldn't nurse for long enough, they made me give her formula. Which only resulted in me sitting there crying for the next hour.

We had her 2 week weight check last Thursday, the doctor was not satisfied she had gained enough weight so off to the lactation specialist we went.



This week is going better, they think she only needed more time to get out of her sleepy stage.
I am still terrified of this child.

And Liam...

He has been GREAT with Aubrey.  He really loves her and cares for her.  He always has to know where his baby is, and is the first to tell me  "You need to feed my baby" when Aubrey starts to cry.

 

But yes, I am terrified of this child too.

His energy and volume has just been so hard to handle.  It does not seem to bother Aubrey at all, but it gives me so much anxiety.  And really he is just acting like a 3 year old, I know this in my head, but still- ANXIETY!

Let me just take a deep breathe and adjust to my new normal

Proud Daddy

I'm pretty sure I picked the best father ever for my children!

Not that I would have them without him :)

Happy Anniversary Love!

Rehearsal

In the Limo

At Sparty Statue

July 28, 2007

John Ryan

Dear Brandon and Holly

When I got your message my first thought was Dear Lord, how could this have happened? Childhood cancer is supposed to be rare, how could this happen to someone we know, someone who supported us while Liam was sick.

When I thought about what to say, my mind kept saying " I have no idea what you are going through." Unfortunately we both know that is not the truth. The thoughts and grief I felt with Liam's diagnosis came back. Again how could this happen? I am reminded of my first thoughts after Liam's diagnosis- I never thought this would happen. It made me so angry when people would tell me "no one ever sees this coming". Knowing I was not alone did not help with the pain and grief I was feeling.

To say "Thank God it's only stage one" does nothing more than undermine what you are going through.

As a parent, you feel helpless in this situation- I cannot fix what is "wrong" with my child.
As a mother you feel guilty- I carried this child for 9 months, I breastfed this child. Everything in this child came from me.

It is not your fault and you are not helpless. With Liam's diagnosis I began writing here. It was my new job, my purpose, to keep Liam in everyone's thoughts and prayers; this is how I was going to help Liam through his treatment ( besides the obvious love and comfort he was shown).
I am beyond grateful that Liam has no idea what he has been through in his life.  I, on the other hand, will always feel defined by his journey.

This is why I write here today- please everyone keep John Ryan in your thoughts and prayers as he begins his fight.  Today JR begins his first chemo treatment.  This is a long road for the Harris family; JR will undergo 42 weeks of chemo and radiation.

365

And because my aunt does not believe having a baby means I can take a break from updating here, I present to you 365 days of Aubrey.  I am going to try to have the pictures updated at least once a week.

Welcome Aubrey Leigh

Sorry for the delay, I know you have been waiting to see the little miss.

So last Thursday we checked into the hospital to bring Aubrey Leigh into the world. The check in process was pretty routine, blood work, monitoring the baby, paperwork...


I was having a c-section for multiple reasons- I had one with Liam because he was breech, Aubrey was breech too and there was no chance she would turn with the low fluid and the low fluid could make delivery dangerous anyway.

They took me back to get my spinal block and get me ready on the table. It feels very stressful being taken back and Brian is not allowed back until the doctor is ready to begin.
Brian was excited to meet his daughter and went a little photo-happy before she even arrived.
I, on the other hand, was not feeling too hot. I did not have the same reaction I did with Liam. When I had my c-section with Liam I was laying there excited myself, ready to hold me sweet boy. Yes I was excited to meet Aubrey, but I was feeling dizzy and nauseous. The nurses wanted to tuck her into the bed with me when they wheeled me back to our room, but I couldn't even hold her then.


Back one the room we began the recovery process, which meant the nurse asked me every 5 minutes "can you feel this" or "can you move that". I did not start to feel better until I was able to sit up, which ironically they do not let you do right away for fear you will get dizzy.


Aubrey Leigh was born at 11:12 am on Thursday July 11th. She is perfect! She was 3 weeks early and because if that and her size, 6 lbs 2 oz, the doctors considered her a late preterm baby. We had to stay at the hospital a little longer because of her jaundice, and feeding has been a struggle but we're getting the hang of it.


Liam is adjusting well, maybe a little too wild and loud for his mama right now, but it doesn't seem to bother Aubrey.

What to do 18 hours before Baby comes.

This can also title this What to do Before your Life Changes Forever
                                    How to Spend the Last Night of Your Life as You Know It

As you are reading this I am at the hospital either getting ready to have baby, having baby or had baby.

this was me before having Liam

At my doctor appointment yesterday they found the fluid going down again, so the doctor decided baby is breech, fluid is dropping, I have to have a c-section anyway, he just wanted it done sooner than planned.  Everything looked great on the ultrasound except the fluid level, so the doctor thought it would be best to get the baby out before things start looking bad.

So I signed the concent forms and left to start making phone calls.  I had to call Brian {obviously}, he wasn't exactly thrilled... the owners of his company are coming to town next week- Sorry Love, you still got more notice than some people :)

Liam loves his Tia.

 

I had to call Tia Mary.  Brian's sister, Mary, lives about 4 hours away, making her our "closest" relative so she drove up to stay with Liam for the next few days.

I had a few orders I rushed home to finish sewing so I could get them mailed out before Baby comes.

Oh and I kept my dinner date with 9 of the best Mommy Friends I could ever ask for. We had a planned Moms Night Out and I had to pick up a few things I was borrowing for one of the moms, so I still went.  No one could believe I wasn't at home freaking out about the date change and getting ready.  But the way I figured it, I had some PJs packed for the hospital already, I know right where my camera is, Baby's room won't be ready tonight no matter what I do... so really I just had to be prepared to show up at the hospital.

Daddy's Piston Cup

Once upon a time Brian and I used to play in a skeeball league.

We made a lot of great friends.

Dressed up in fun costumes.

Drank a lot.

Brian was actually pretty good.

He even won some awards, which currently sit on top of a bookcase in our house.  Liam is pretty impressed with Daddy's piston cup.

37 Weeks! Full Term!

Full Term!  Baby can come at any time now. 

I am feeling the same as I have been: swollen.  I never knew being swollen could hurt so bad.  My hands are especially sore in the mornings.  The other night/early morning I woke up to get a drink and I couldn't open my water bottle.

So last week I had an ultrasound after discover the fluid around the baby was low.  It was still low but hadn't gotten worse.  I will have an ultrasound every week til baby comes now to make sure she is still safe in there.

Along with checking the fluid, the ultrasound also involved a Biophysical Profile (BPP), where they checked the heart rate, movement and breathing of the baby.  She scored a perfect 10! So as long as the BPP score stays high and the fluid level does not drop, we are sticking to her scheduled arrival date of July 24th.

15 more days!

LCF Threadz: Dresses and Rompers

 



The product that comes up most searched for in my Etsy shop is a wrap dress.

This halter wrap dress ties around the neck and also wraps across the body and snaps close.

 

Another popuar product is this adorable romper my friend's daughter was a perfect model for.

 

This week I worked on some more dresses and rompers.

Adorable grey chevron print dress.  I love how the pink stands out on this dress.

Who's not a fan of chevron these days?  And these beautiful pink colors are super fun for the summer.

As much as I love dresses, rompers are so practical for younger children.

 

I cannot wait to see these adorable and colorful outfits on some lucky little girl!



Second Pregnancy

Having a second child after everything we went through with Liam was not an easy decision, for me at least. Liam's oncologist even discussed the new baby with me after she found out I was pregnant, it is completely normal to fear this child would be sick also.

Although this pregnancy hasn't been easy on me, I decided it was a trade off. I had an easy pregnancy with Liam then he had a struggle. So this time we are just getting the struggles out of the way early.

Last week I had an ultrasound to check the position of Baby Fudge.
Liam was breech, so we have a repeat c-section scheduled for the 24th, but the doctor wanted to check anyway. I have an apparent skill for growing breech babies as this one is too.

But during the ultrasound the tech also found the fluid around her to be low. It's not at a dangerous point just lower than they'd like. In addition to the fluid, Baby's stomach is also measuring small. This may be a result of the fluid level, or it may mean she is just skinny. Everything else is measuring as it should.

They of course do not want me to worry about it; yeah right!
So today I go for another ultrasound and "we'll see from there". Which pretty much leaves everything to the imagination, but there are 3 real possibilities.

1. I have been dehydrated and need to drink more water ( this is what the doctor is hoping for, but he obviously doesn't realize the amount of water I already drink)
2. The doctor will be sending me to a specialist ( but really with 3 weeks left, what's the specialist going to do?)
3. This baby will be coming sooner than expected.

We are so not ready for this baby to come yet!

Help us just continue to pray for a healthy baby.

How to Survive being Pregnant in the Summer

Everyone has an opinion for pregnant women. I have been asked too much, why would you choose to be pregnant in the summer.
I wasn't concerned. I'm the person wearing sweats in the air conditioning all summer.
But guess what, I'm swollen and its not fun. I am wearing sweats, nor am I dressing to impress anyone.



How do some women wear their wedding rings their whole pregnancy? Am I just prone to swelling? It's not the puffiness that bothers me over this whole swelling thing, it actually hurts. I didn't realize fat fingers could be painful.

So how am I going to survive the summer pregnant?

Stay Hydrated

So I have been drinking tons of water, which is nothing new for me. I have always drank lots of water, taking multiple bottle of water to work with me each day. I used to have a bottle that held your 8 glasses of water for the day, I filled that up twice a day, at least. So yeah I drink water. But even with that excessive amount, I am still never feeling like I have enough right now.

Do Outside Activities when Temperatures are at their coolest

{obviously an older picture}

 

As I have mentioned before I am getting antsy, I am beyond ready to start working out again, and I still have about 9 1/2 weeks before I can really workout like I want to. Solution: daily walks. But when the weather is 90 degrees daily we have to make sure to walk first thing in the morning.

Dress in Lightweigh Material

As I said, I am not dressed to impress.  If I actually have to get dressed for something, its been a tank top and maxi skirt.  If by chance I actually wear shorts or jeans someplace, I am back in my short yoga pants as soon as I get home.  I'm all about the comfort!

Rest

Easier said than done with a very active 3 year old. But even with outdoor activities being limited to non"hot" hours and water activities, the heat really takes it out of you!   Liam averages about 1 nap a week.  We have been practicing quiet time in his room each afternoon if he isn't napping.  I put him in his bed with a book and he is usually good there for an hour of quiet time without sleep as long as I lay down with him "for just 4 minutes" (I don't know where this kid came up with asking me to lay down for 4 minutes! so particular he is).